


it's not like that

by snowandfire



Series: sonny does maiko week 2020 [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Childhood, Childhood Friends, Day 1, F/M, First Kiss, Mai (Avatar)-Centric, azula likes being annoying, mai likes fruit tarts, zuko likes mai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27239695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowandfire/pseuds/snowandfire
Summary: [“Well,” Azula smiled, “If it isn’t the lovebirds.”“For the last time Azula!” Zuko snapped, “It’s not like that. I don’t like her like that. She’s your friend.”]or: mai deals with her first crush
Relationships: Mai & Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: sonny does maiko week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988884
Comments: 7
Kudos: 89
Collections: Fall Maiko Week 2020





	it's not like that

When springtime came to Caldera, red peonies and golden aster flowers sprung from the ground. They were grown and cultivated every year to serve the nation with their beauty. Just as Mai was being raised and cultivated to do the same. She was told many times, in words and in actions, what she was not to do. What she shouldn’t act like. It was annoying. 

But no one ever told her what she should be. Maybe they didn’t have the time. Maybe it wasn’t important. Maybe she was defined more in negatives than in positives. _Whatever._

All that changed when she was ten years old. When she met Azula. Perfect, princess Azula. Her rich dark hair was pulled back in a style that made her look stately and regal. It was _so_ obvious how hard she was trying to look and seem capable, to seem older. Michi looked upon her admiringly and Mai felt the unfamiliar sting of jealousy. Clearly this was what her mother approved of, and this wasn’t something she even wanted to be. 

But the look in Michi’s eyes and the subtle nod of her head could mean only one thing: _you should be her friend._ Once again, there wasn’t a choice. Her parents had their games, now she had her own role to play. 

Within minutes, Azula took her by the hand. Within weeks she took her in as a special friend. Mai’s parents were so, so pleased by it. It was an open secret that Azula was the fire lord’s favorite. And now Mai was Azula’s favorite. Nothing could be better. They had a foot in the door and a seat at the table. Perfect. Just not for her.

It was inside the palace walls that she first met Zuko. 

He was Azula’s brother, but nothing like her. Not at all. There was nothing practiced or fake about him. He spoke with a lisp and a little too quickly. Mai could tell immediately that he wasn’t putting on a face, or hiding who he was. Maybe he just wasn’t good at that. But she didn’t care. She liked him right away, rough and genuine. 

Unlike all the politicians, courtiers, Mai’s parents, and even Azula, Zuko’s smile reached his eyes. Mai couldn’t help but smile back. 

“What did you think of him?” Azula asked later, a playful glint in her eyes.

Mai said the first thing that came to her mind, sort of mumbled it absentmindedly, “His eyes are kind.” 

“Oh?” Azula smiled, passing a knowing look to the other girl, Ty Lee, “Are they?” 

Mai should have known then, her secret crush in the making was already exposed. Her privacy already forfeit. But just then, she wasn’t thinking of that. To be honest, she wasn’t thinking of him either. She was thinking of fruit tarts. _Spirits, all this angsting made her hungry._

* * *

From then on, Azula took every opportunity to make fun of her and Zuko. Even when all they were doing was catching up. Even when Mai definitely was _not_ stealing glances his way. 

Azula would be there, with an unwanted comment. Or two, or three. 

“You know Mai,” Azula would chirp, “If it’s being fire lady you want, you should go for my cousin. Zuko’s never gonna be fire lord.” 

“Ew, Azula, he’s like a million years old,” Zuko bit back. 

Mai did nothing, except to scoot a little further away from him than she’d like to be.

* * *

There was also the time Mai showed Zuko her training knives. They were her first set, her most prized possession. In order to show them to him, they had to sit really close. She kept her voice low, since she wasn’t too sure of this knife throwing thing yet, and didn’t really want to disclose how excited she was about it to anyone but him. 

She liked that Zuko looked excited about them too. She liked the validation. It was sort of nice too, in a new and different way. To be sitting under the tree right next to him. 

“Only you would find knives romantic,” Azula came up from behind the tree and sighed. 

“It’s not supposed to be romantic,” Mai said, quietly but defiantly. 

“Oh sure,” Azula laughed, “Of course.” 

* * *

Then there was the night Mai slept over at Azula’s place. They were eleven years old by then. Azula thought it was time they played some more interesting games than hide and seek and tag in the palace. She even forced Zuko to come along and sit with them in her room. He didn’t seem happy about it. 

It was a strange sort of game. Where Azula would either ask them if they wanted to share a secret or do something stupid. Fairly innocent things for most of the night, like stealing from the kitchens, stuff like that. Until…

“Mai, I dare you to kiss Zuko,” Azula demanded. 

Mai panicked. Azula _knew_ she had never kissed anyone. She probably knew that Mai liked Zuko. She had done this on purpose. Mai felt tears incoming. She didn’t want to do this. Not like...not like that. Zuko was sitting to her left, not meeting her eyes, he probably felt even weirder about the whole thing. She glanced at Ty Lee. Ty Lee had always been nice to her. Maybe she would do something. 

“Aw, Azula,” Ty Lee said cheerily, “Come on, now.” 

“Fine,” Azula said, staring at Ty Lee, and then smirking at Mai, “You do it.” 

“...okay?” Ty Lee said, then turned to Zuko. At his briefest nod, she kissed him. A quick peck on the lips. Nothing else. But it made Mai mad, and angry and she didn’t even know why. It wasn’t like Zuko was her boyfriend or anything. It wasn’t as if she had any right to be feeling what she was feeling. It wasn’t as if she had a right to feeling anything at all. 

* * *

Sometimes, Mai would hide behind the curtains in the living room and pretend that she did not exist. She used to wonder how the world would go on without her. Whether it would matter if her fantasies become reality and she simply disappeared. Without a trace. Leaving behind only empty stares, shallow talk and the abject misery of being a child forgotten. _How wonderfully morbid._

She would stand there for several minutes, letting the soft, thick fabric of the curtain caress her face, and hide her entirely. If she closed her eyes then, and listened closely, she could hear footsteps. Knocks on doors. Even the whistle of the wind. 

The last time she hid behind the curtain she was eleven years old. The day had been a long one, and she did not want to exist for a few minutes. It was as cold as it always was this time of year. A harsh winter had just ended but a gentle Spring had not yet begun. The chill from the window behind sent a shiver down her spine. 

The sound of a light step and warmth was the first clue that someone else was there. Then a hand over her mouth. 

A voice. “Don’t. Thream.” 

_Zuko._

When she didn’t make a sound he lowered his hand off her face. He scooched a little closer to her and breathed a sigh of relief. 

She opened her mouth to say something, like ‘this is my spot’ or ‘what are you doing here this isn’t even your house’, but she was dumbfounded, much like she often was around him. Nothing came out of her but empty air. She didn’t even have the presence of mind to look away. Too late. She was already blushing. 

“I’m hiding from my thi-sister. She came to see you and dragged me with her,” he explained. 

It made sense to her. Getting little moments away from Azula was crucial to staying sane. If that happened to include getting her anger out via throwing training knives at trees and imagining them shaped like a particularly arrogant fire princess, that was her business. 

It was at that moment that she found her voice, “How did you get away?” 

“I thaid I had to go to the bathroom.” 

“She believed that?” 

“No,” a sharp voice said, a little gloatingly, from the other side of the curtain. Then the curtain was yanked aside. 

“Well,” Azula smiled, “If it isn’t the lovebirds.” 

“For the last time Azula!” Zuko snapped, “It’s not like that. I don’t like her like that. She’s _your_ friend.” 

That had Mai seeing red. And she said it without thinking, “I don’t like you either! You’re so stupid!”

She ran. It was open, and dramatic, and something she never did. If her mom saw she’d probably pay for it later but right now she didn’t care. There were tears streaming down her eyes and she felt humiliated and scared. Zuko said he didn’t like her. He said he didn’t like her. He had probably liked kissing Ty Lee, whatever kissing felt like anyway. He had only been so kind and sweet before because she was Azula’s friend. Nothing mattered. None of it. She didn’t matter. Not even to him. 

She collapsed into a little ball right in the garden. Getting dirt and grass all over her clothes. She hoped no one had followed her out here or it would just make it worse. 

“Hey,” she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

“Get off!” she shrieked. 

“Th-sorry,” he sat down next to her, “I told Azula to go home.” 

“She doesn’t listen to you,” Mai sniffled. 

“I, uh, I didn’t mean it.”

“Then why did you say it!?” 

“Whenever, whenever I like thomething she likes to hurt it. I didn’t want. And I was annoyed, cause she kept, she kept making fun of you! I didn’t know if you...if you...” 

“Did you like kissing Ty Lee?” 

“What?” 

“Remember, a few months ago, you and--” 

“Oh, that. I-I barely remember that.” 

“Oh.” 

“I think you’re pretty,” Zuko said, and she could see the red in his cheeks, “Lu Ten said that’s what you’re supposed to say, at a time like this.” 

“A time like what?” Mai asked, her tears were beginning to dry now, and the world and everything in it had stopped spinning. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked quietly. 

Mai didn’t wait. She pushed herself to her knees and pressed her mouth against his. Drawing away shyly after a second. It was enough of a heady rush to make her go for a second peck, then, settle back down, her heart still racing. 

Her hand found his, pressed against the warm dirt, “Azula might find out.” 

“I know,” he nodded, looking very serious. 

“Don’t worry,” Mai said, finally knowing what mattered to her, “I’ll protect you. I promise.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i may be found at @bluberry-spicehead if you wish to screech at me or @itsmaikotime where you may submit your maiko hot takes


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